My liver just broke up with me...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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