They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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