Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
