i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
