Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
