I wanna bring you to show and tell
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
