I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
