i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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