Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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