I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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