"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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