Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
