Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize