Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
