This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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