you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The feeling are messing with the penis
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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