Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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