i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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