I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
