okay pat passed out under dana's car
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
