So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
