remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
