And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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