i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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