Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
be right there i have to get my cape
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
