Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
