I want to have your abortion
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
