Betty ford says i'm here all night
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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