got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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