Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
