my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
