farters have to be the big spoon...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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