And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
