I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
