I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Is this like a preordered booty call?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
