Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
