i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm like, not good at living.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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