I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
