I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
