i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
