I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
