So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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