I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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