Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
