honey bunches of taint.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
