I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
