he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
