but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
