My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
