Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
