i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
