You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
This toilet bowl is my home.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
