I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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