If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
