he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
