i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize