somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
